I chose this title partly beacause this is the song that I’m listening to right now, and partly because this is the feeling I’ve got. I have been wrestling with a question for quite some time now. What will I do when I grow old? I remember how it used to be when I was little, how in my old neighbourhood, where we lived with my grandmother, the elders would gather some place in the afternoon, talking, reminiscing or watching their grandsons and granddaughters play. I used to love the sense of security and of belonging that scene always gave me. Like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, protected, safe, happy and at peace. It was like I had my own personal world, that no one could shatter.
For various reasons, I have stopped visiting my grandmother for quite some time now; but recently, I went back there. I was eager to revisit those streets and places that were so dear to me. As I was heading towards there, I could just smell those warm nights, hear the people talking around me, just like a hum, just like a nursery rhime. I got there, and I couldn’t help but being heartbroken. Empty. The streets, the yards, the park, my heart. The street where I spent hours playing, singing, running and laughing, the street that used to be filled with children, with colorful toys, and flowers, and people, empty. I was sad. Not so much for myself, but for those children who will probably never know what it’s like to go home filled with mud, what it’s like to go running to your mamma or granny because of falling down while having the time of your life. I remember climbing trees, playing catch, playing hide and seek, getting dirty, running, screaming, living. They’ll never have that. And it makes me sad. I kept walking, and the empty streets were unraveling in front of me, like a canvas. I could just paint my own images, revisit my memories, it was as if I could see my friend, hear them, be happy with them again. For jsut a split second, I was a kid.
It gave me comfort, having experienced that. I hope I will be able to instill those desires in my own children. I hope they will live in a world where all that will still be possible, accesible.
And for myself… I hope that later, when I shall have done everyting I set out to do, I will be able to sit back, enjoy the ones that I love, watch my children be happy, hold my grandsons… all this in a world that is still ruled by love.